Currently 02 By Tonex You see related

Heart Break

I'd use Rent's "Without You", but I already used that song selection 3 and a half years ago.

So since the last time, I blogged, I have been in 3 relationships, broken 2 hearts, and have many crushes. (Such a terrible track record.)

I decided after the last relationship and all it had to offer my life, I'd stop looking for a relationship.

... Just in case you didn't know, I have always just wanted to be with one person, to say that he's committed to a girl for years, before presenting her with a ring... A man can dream...

I've come to find out with some of the people that Our Generation's social networking capabilities have presented, some people that I liked, liked me as well, and yet both ends didn't say a thing. (Did I miss out on a good thing?)

So now, presently, I'm stuck. For someone's caught my attention, and there's nothing I can do about it. Why? Because they have something that I've always wanted: anniversaries before the ceremonies (get it... look up if you missed it.)

Now, the "I (blank) You" songs are flooding the playlist in my mind, and I'm not feeling it. Some people say "when you find love, then hold on, and treasure it; don't let it slip away" (no, wait, that was Fatty Koo) But I'm not one to want to get in between something because of jealously and selfishness, especially if they may have any feelings toward me (I've tried it. It doesn't work. Examples: Relationship 1 of 3 from above, and Diamond).

So I don't want to look for love. I want it to be one of the few things that find me. I just wish it wouldn't come in the form of 1) already committed, or 2) lust-based without long-term attractiveness (physically, mentally, spiritually). That's just not fair to me... to come so close, and be so far.

Believe me, God knew what he was going when he made the many beautiful women I come across each day. But in the end, there can only be ONE. And I wish it was YOU.

JayLaRo 4 sho.

Currently The Return of the Magnificent By DJ Jazzy Jeff Run That Back see related

Oops!...

So I happen to click on a link to this website. Come to find out, I'm a member of this site (laughs).

What's up, World... It's only been 30 months since you heard anything from me...

I'm still alive.
I'm still single.
I'm still... me.

Trust me, I've wanted to get back sooner... I thought about that after one year went by, but things weren't all that great at the time.

I swear my relationship status is on it's seventh or eighth season now, and always around the same time, too.

Then I thought about coming back when the two year mark hit, but I was in a financial crisis, and trying to rebuild that part of my life (it's gotten better somewhat).

Two and a half years later, here I am! And guess what? I'll let you know what's been going on with me on the next entry. (audience boos)

What? If your favorite TV shows can leave you hanging, why can't I?

Stay tuned, World.

JayLaRo is still for sho.

Currently Listening Dangerous By Michael Jackson Who Is It see related

Answer?

Yeah, I got one... How'd you know?

Hey, everyone!

In case you're wondering about my little math problem, I just wanted to let you all know that I got my answer wrong. The people that I asked for help told me that I was wrong, too. Well, you know what? Math sucks!

More to move on at a later date. Stay blessed!

JayLaRo 4 sho.

Currently Listening Hybrid Theory By Linkin Park One Step Closer see related

Chameleons

What's going on, World?

Well, it's been one week already of classes, and there are ten more to go. Time's really flying; another school year coming to a close.

As you all know, last Saturday was St. Patrick's Day. However, here in the city of Rochester it was a sudden snow day that began early that morning. And on top of that, I had to go class. Class you say? Yeah, RIT has Saturday classes and I decided to give it a try. So I had to trek through 8-inch high snow. I even fell once while walking in front of one other gentleman, who fell as well right after I did. But in general, the weekend went pretty well. The annual parade downtown took place, people got drunk and experienced hangovers preventing them from going to church the next day, and I believe a couple people had birthdays as well. Sounds great.

Okay, moving on to another topic... quick question, and it will probably be answered best by a woman: can men be like chameleons? Meaning, in terms of a relationship, do men tend to change themselves to gain the attention of, or to keep a woman's heart?

For example:

When a woman becomes, or is already, upset at a man, does he or does he not say things that he knows she wants to hear, even if it's a lie?

When a woman is looking unpleasant, believes that's the case, and asks for the man's opinion, does he or does he not say things that he knows she wants to hear, even it's a lie.

I know this may sound odd, because I am a male. But I was just wondering if this was a reason why some relations happen the way they do, when the people around the couple believe that the couple shouldn't be together because they know the true colors of the ones involved in the relationship.  I hope you all are able to understand what are trying to say.

Because if it's all a lie, then that is unfortunate for the men that wouldn't think of doing such a thing to a woman, for they know that love is something that shouldn't be taken lightly or played with. For that is a human being's heart that is being tampered with, and should devastating or traumatic events affect her heart, the scars from the memories that will forever be sketched in her mind may alter her thoughts and beliefs of the male gender as a whole. Where am I going with this?

I've been working on this one math question lately, and it's gotten to become more difficult than I thought it would be. but I think I've come to a solution and I hope I got it right. Because if I get it wrong, I believe it'll be because of the variables given. I mean, because that result should be imaginary, or not even exist. But I don't want to put anymore energy into solving it, because if I do, I'm am just going to continue to bend my ruler until it snaps, and it's not even a year old yet. I'll just go and ask someone for help with the variables.

(laughs) Oh, I just find it funny sometimes that I come up with this stuff. Sorry, I tend to speak in riddles sometimes, so I've been told. If you aren't able to decipher my entry, don't worry about it then. I'm only expressing the fact that I have a heart, too, and it doesn't like going through upsetting events just like the next woman.

Alright, world, I'll check you later. Maybe next time, I'll let you know what I've been up to. Continue to stay blessed.

JayLaRo for sho.

Currently Listening Loose By Nelly Furtado In God's Hands see related

Self-Sabotage, Part 3

Water? Perhaps I should look into that. But a relationship shouldn't even be based on that. I mean it isn't noted anywhere that every long-lasting couple consisted of compatible astrological signs. Oh, well.

You know, I remember way back when -- probably about 7-8 years ago -- when I learned that God had been molding a woman up for me to be my soulmate. And this woman was to be everything that I wanted, needed and loved in a woman. And I remember staying up a few extra minutes for a couple nights writing down my soulmate's specifications. I mean, I had jotted down their height, complexion, hair length, bra size, eye color, possible likes and likes and dislikes, just about everything. And one specification in particular that I wrote down was age, in which my soulmate was to be at most two years younger than me. At one point, that I took that specification very seriously. How serious? Well, a friend of mine growing up and I used to talk about possibly getting into a relationship a few times and I would say no because she was 8 days older than me. (She's happily engaged now with someone else.) However, three of my last relationships consisted of women that were at most two years older me.

Sometimes, I wish that I would have already found her, so that I won't have to worry about the other women that I would later encounter in life. Like a high school sweetheart or something. If I already knew who she was and was with her... problem solved. I guess that's why I love the television show "Boy Meets World" so much. To have grown up with my wife would've been great for me. Okay, I'm getting off topic...

So what happened? Why'd I wait until college to take the risk and break my own rules, so to speak? It's obvious now that they weren't meant to work out. It's simple. Metaphorically, my brain did the driving back then, with my heart acting as a backseat driver. And one day I decided to finally let my heart take the wheel. But because I placed myself in that situation I've been having to keep making repairs to myself mentally in attempts to regain control over myself. Unfortunately, I will never be the same as I was before I let my heart take charge.

Perhaps -- well, -- okay. Another thing I learned growing up was that there is a reason for everything, meaning there's a reason why I have gone through the things that I have gone through. But at the same time, the decisions I made over that time period were not all beneficial in getting me closer to my destiny in life, and my soulmate because they weren't all of GOD. It's like I choose to take a "shortcut" to the finish line, and found out that it was a detour directing me away from it. It was a mistake, though, and I can always work my back to the main road. The only problem is the time limit doesn't change. From the day I was born, I was given a time limit to accomplish several goals, and whether I do or do not complete them all, my time will still run out. Interesting analogy.

So in the process of getting back on the right path, emotionally, I want to say this:
If I have in way, shape or form, disrespected and/or hurt you, I apologize, and I ask that you pray for me.
If you have in way, shape or form, assisted in wrongfully addressing my name, I ask that you no longer continue to do so. Again, I am human, I'm not perfect, and I make mistakes, and it isn't necessary to hold a grudge toward anyone. Especially someone who, because of what I may have done, has apologized and had no intentions of causing any pain to you in the first place. I'll pray for you all.

A few days ago, when I had some Chinese food, I received a fortune that stated that right now in my life I need to be patient. And on that note, I guess I'm going to lay low and solo. I have someone waiting for me, and I don't want to keep them waiting; I have to get back to way I used to be.

Thank you for reading these past entries of mine. I didn't want to make them too long, because I didn't want anyone to lose interest. I hope that they were beneficial to someone out there who could probably relate with my thoughts and ideas. Take care everyone, and continue to be blessed.

JayLaRo 4 sho.